I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
