Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
