Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
