hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
