That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
