I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
