i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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