Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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