The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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