I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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