so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
