i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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