Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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