Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
