the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
