She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
