You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
