apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
