i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
