one word: firstdatebathroomanal
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
