Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Boobs are out for the taking
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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