Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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