I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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