Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm passing your future prison.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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