Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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