i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
