Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
