I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
well you can't waste a boner
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
