I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
