I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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