my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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