His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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