I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
