But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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