apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
