Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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