You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
