oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we're making bets on your personal life
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
