I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
