In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
