were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
