Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
