Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
