Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
