Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
