How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
its not stalking. its research.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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