You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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