I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
