If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
