I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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