I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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